“I Want to Be Anybody but Me”

Growing up there was only one thing I wished more than anything in the world: to be anybody but me.

I wished I was that girl in middle school who wore the cute clothes, always had the perfect hairstyle, and never had a frown on her face.

I had to wear hand me down’s most of the time, life wasn’t always so peachy, and I was lucky if my curly hair wasn’t a mess.

I wished I was the girl from church who sang so angelically and everything about her was perfect, from her voice, to her family, to her face.

I had no special talent, no perfect family and friends, and I couldn’t carry a tune if my life depended on it.

I wished I was the girl who was confident, beautiful, and bold. She always knew how to lead and take control and had the right thing to say.

I liked to hide in the shadows and wouldn’t speak up unless it was to get an “A” in class.

The older I got the more things I found wrong about me.

It seemed like everyone had something going for them.

Everyone had something figure out.

Everyone but me.

And the closer I got to God the more frustrated I would be.

I wanted to serve Him in some way in the church.

I wanted to make a difference in the lives of people around me.

But how could I when I had nothing to give?

No talents. No confidence. No special skills.

I thought God certainly made a mistake in the way He chose to create me.

I would always point a finger at someone and say “God, why couldn’t I be like this girl? She is so confident in everything. Or what about this one? She can preach. She can recite poetry. She can sing. Or what about this one? She always knows what to do to fit in.”

It took a few years, a few people pushing me out of my comfort zone and believing in me, and a lot of work on God’s end for me to finally see… He created me exactly the way I was supposed to be.

Flaws and all.

Insecurities and all.

No “special” abilities and all.

He showed me that sometimes all it takes to serve Him is not talents or confidence or the ability to speak but a simple desire to do something.

And that’s when He steps in.

When I look back at my life and where I am now compared to where I once was I am continually amazed at the work God has done in me because although I am not the most confident or talented I am exactly where I want to be, fulfilling God’s plan for my life.

Today it comes easily. But it sure didn’t in the beginning.

I got involved in teen ministry at my church almost ten years ago and I will never forget the first time I prepared to teach my lesson.

I wasn’t nervous for an hour, a day, or a week. I started getting nervous a month in advance.

I came to that classroom hours early to mentally prepare myself and to pray over it.

And moments before I went up I was standing in the back, hands shaking, and wondering what in the world I was doing and of course, desperately asking God for help.

Now when I look back at that I laugh but back then that fear was real.

I remember the first few times I led youth Bible Study and I was always worried about whether the girls would show up and how each meeting would go.

I remember the first mission trip I took that I begged my parents to go on at fourteen and I knew I couldn’t perform in the drama and teach Bible lessons but I could give a hug and speak a word of encouragement to an orphan about Jesus and that’s exactly what I did.

I remember the first time I wrote a post for my blog and I wondered if anyone would even read it.

I remember planning my first teen event. Running around like a chicken with its head cut off worrying about whether I had everything planned the way it was supposed to be.

I never magically transformed into the girl who finally had it all together.

I didn’t learn how to preach or how to sing.

I still have doubts and insecurities about my abilities and what God calls me to do.

But over the years I have learned an important lesson: it was never really about me and my abilities and it was always about my desire to serve and God’s work in me.

I’m sure someone can teach better, can write better, can plan better than me.

But I have stopped pointing my fingers at other people and asking “God, why isn’t that me?”

Instead I thank God that He created me just the way I am.

Weak at times, but always strong in Him.

Insecure at times, but always secure in Him.

Afraid at times, but always bold in Him.

Often times I feel like Moses did when God came to him in that burning bush.

Inadequate for God’s purpose and plan for me.

Unprepared and unskilled.

But He says the same thing that He told Moses that day “Who gave human beings their mouths? Who makes them deaf or mute? Who gives them sight or makes them blind? Is it not I, the Lord?  Now go; I will help you speak and will teach you what to say.” -Exodus 4:11-12

God has the ability to do what we cannot do ourselves.

He gives us boldness and strength and words to speak when we have none.

Moses’s excuse didn’t work for him.

And neither did mine.

God always uses people that don’t seem “fit for the job” to serve Him.

Look at all of Jesus’ disciples.

They didn’t have fancy jobs or degrees.

They we never trained in how to deliver good messages to a crowd.

They were mere fishermen, tax collectors, and tent makers.

Yet it was them that God chose to bring the news of the gospel to the rest of the world.

And He still does the same today.

I want to remind you that there is no limitation that will stop you from being used by God if you only choose to obey.

He’ll help you overcome your fears just like He helped Moses overcome his and me mine.

He’ll give you the right words to say and the right thing to do at the right time.

He’ll use you to do great things for His kingdom if you are only willing and if you believe.

Never point a finger at someone else and ask “God, why am I not like them”.

Never wish to be anyone but yourself.

Instead thank God for the unique, incredible way He created you and ask Him “How can you use me?”

And see the amazing things He can do when you surrender your desires, your weaknesses, and your abilities to Him.

Be blessed and walk strong in Him!- Anna…♥

“But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong.” -1 Corinthians 1:2