I know this seems old-fashion and outdated in today’s culture.
And quite honestly, the idea of it scares me just a bit.
But with much prayer and thought I have finally made my decision.
I am going to have a prearranged marriage.
Before you think I have fallen off the deep end let me explain what I mean.
I don’t mean that I am sending my parents out to scout out potential young men for me to marry (although I’m sure they already do that on their own). 😉
I don’t mean that I have signed up for e-harmony so that the matchmaking professionals can discover my “perfect match” online (although that would be interesting.)
What I mean is that I have handed over the responsibility of finding my future spouse to the Father in my life who knows what’s best for me.
I remember listening to the story that an Indian pastor was sharing of how his parent arranged the marriage of him and his wife.
They went from one small village to another and asked the people in the villages to point out young girls to them that had good characters and morals, who were believers, and who came from good families.
And then they would do research on them.
They would go to the teachers of that particular girl and ask how she behaved in class.
They would go to the friends of the girls and ask how kind, how friendly, and how honest she was.
They would go to the parents of the girls and asked about her interests, her hobbies, and her desires.
And then they decided whether or not she’d be a good fit for their son. (E-harmony, old-fashion style) 😉
The son had to trust that his parents found the girl who suited him best.
The girl that he could learn to love and cherish through all the ups and downs of life.
The girl that he could spend the rest of his life with.
Was it scary?
Probably.
But the truth is, who would know better than him who he would want to marry?
Who from the moment he took his first breath and walked his first steps wanted nothing more than the best for him?
His parents.
And the reason why he could trust them to make one of the biggest decisions in his life is because he knew they would only choose for him someone they believed he could make it in life with.
And the same is true for me.
To be completely honest, I have often been reluctant when it comes to totally surrendering my own will to God when it comes to my future husband.
I want to make my list of “husband must have’s” and hold on to it tight.
I think no one in this world knows better than me who could possibly be right for me.
But that’s not true.
God knows better than I ever will who the best man for me is.
Just because a man seems like a good fit for me today, just because he has the same interests as me, just because he has the hairstyle and eye color that I want doesn’t mean that he’s a good fit for me in the long run.
I can only make my decision based on what is right in front of me, but God? He sees the future and the plans that He has for me and He knows which man will be best by my side to fulfill those plans.
And He knows which man won’t.
I’m not going to lie, so many times I’ve thought “God, how about this one? He checks off on every item on my list. Or what about this one? I can totally imagine serving you with him.”
And God says “no” each time and it’s hard for me to understand why.
But just like that Indian man who trusted his parents to choose the right girl for him I trust my Almighty Father to choose the right man for me.
The man who I can serve Him side by side with.
The man who will help me grow closer to Him.
The man who will be better than any man I could have chosen for myself.
I love what Frank Powell says about searching for the perfect spouse:
“What if God does not want you to find a perfect person but find an imperfect person who will draw you closer to Him? What if God desires you to marry a person with flaws to expose yours? What if God wants to teach you the value and life found in committing to one person forever, not exhausting pursuit of searching your entire life to find the perfect person?”
So I give up on searching for the perfect man that fits the description of my version of Prince Charming from when I was sixteen.
I already have an Almighty Father in Heaven who’s got it under control for me.
And when the time is right He will show me the man who will best fit not my own plan, but His.
If you are praying and waiting for your future spouse today keep on trusting God to bring the right person your way.
Don’t wait for the perfect Prince Charming to come sweep you off your feet (he doesn’t exist) but don’t settle for someone who you don’t have peace from God about either.
Allow Him to be the matchmaker of your life, not your own self.
Because your feelings could fool you and your understanding is limited, but His is not.
He knows what’s best for you and He’ll bring that man or woman along when the time is right.
Until then… rest in peace knowing that you are in good hands.
Your matchmaker is working behind the scenes to orchestrate the love story of your life.
Be blessed and keep on trusting God for your future! -Anna… ♥
I AM SOO WITH YOU ON THIS ONE SISTER
That’s great! 🙂 May God bless you during your time of waiting!
Well Anna, may be this is what God has been waiting for you to do…might as well start preparations…may 2014 be the year, God willing! And thanks for writing such a beautiful piece, sweet surrender is what we all need to do…love and best wishes
Thanks Samina! I honestly don’t know what year it will be, I’ve learned to stop giving God my own timeline for anything. He knows when it’s best to bring the right people into my life. (although if it will be this year I won’t complain) 😉 Yes, surrendering IS what we need. Not just when it comes to relationships, but when it comes to our dreams, to our desires, and to our goals. God knows what is best for us and He will always make a way for things to happen when the time is right. I hope you have a blessed day!
Amen… I am faithfully waiting on the Lord too for my future husband. God bless you!
God bless you too as you wait! May you continue to use this time in your life to grow in Him and encourage everyone around you through your life and your blog. Have a lovely day!
Dear Anna,
I really love your statement: “Allow Him to be the matchmaker of your life not your own self” And Anna, for you, I strongly believe that God will send you a perfect spouse at the right time. Though he seems not a perfect one for you but actually he is the best for your own future. Amen. I am so blessed read your post. Thank you for sharing this beautiful thought. Many love and blessings to you 🙂
Thank you Karina, and congrats on your new little bundle of joy! 🙂 I hope you are enjoying these first few weeks together with him! And yes I agree, God has it all sorted out I just need to surrender and trust for His will to come to pass in my life because His timing and plan is always best. I hope you have a very blessed day! 🙂
Reblogged this on Jodi Jax and commented:
Dedicated to all the single ladies…
Amen! I’m right there with you, girl; while you’re trusting and waiting, and preparing yourself to be a godly wife in the meantime, you’ll find it draws you so much closer to the Lord! There are moments when it’s hard, when others don’t understand, but it’s so worth it! God bless!
That’s great Emily! There’s no better time to prepare for marriage than long before your future husband walks into your life. May God bless you during this season as He continues to work on your heart and mold you into the woman He wants you to be!
Thank you, Anna! Same to you! 🙂
What an amazing post – so much insight 🙂 sending you happy wishes!!
Thank you Heather. Sending those happy wishes right back at you! 😉
Anna,
Thank you so much for this! Thank you for being so vulnerable and for letting God speak through you. You have no idea how much your blogs help me in this area and in many others. God bless you!
Hi Erika, you are very welcome! Sometimes it’s hard to write about things that are more personal to me but if it encourages even one person it’s so worth it! I don’t know what season in life you are in today but may you continue to trust and serve God wholeheartedly in it and never forget that whatever plan you have for your life, God’s will always be better. Hope you have a blessed day!
This is so good. 🙂
Thank you!
Anna……..thank you for sharing the story of the Indian pastor!! It spoke to me deeply!
As you surrender your will to God know that He can be trusted…..He has someone amazing for you!
The other thing that really spoke to me was when you said,
“Your matchmaker is working behind the scenes to orchestrate the love story of your life”!
It is a matter of believing that, and I do!
This is such a deep post…..God bless you for sharing.
Rolain
Hi Rolain! Thanks, I am believing that He does! (for both of us) 🙂 in His own timing of course. I can’t imagine anyone I would trust more to make one of the most important decisions of my life. May He give us singles all the grace to keep on waiting on Him to bring the right person into our lives rather than rush into relationships and try to make things happen on our own that are not from Him. He always knows when and who is best for us.The only thing we need to do is believe and trust (and not hibernate in our houses) 😉 lol. Hope you have a blessed day!
I am with you there Anna! I feel so confident and at peace that He is the One who is doing the match making! And because of that I can dream extravagantly! He is the only One who knows what I really really need and because of that I its cool…..!!!!
There is one thing that brought sadness to my heart though…..I really can’t believe you said we cannot hibernate in our homes!!!! 😩😩😩😭😭
Hahaha……! 😉
Hahaha…. I know, although even if we did God could STILL make a way 😉 Even if I wanted to hibernate I wouldn’t last too long anyway!
That is some great faith there…..!
I understand though, hibernation, not a good idea…got it! 😁
Bless you.. I’m certain that whoever is for your highest good will be sent to you. Just surrender like you said, with complete faith and send your wishes to your angels, and it will all be taken care of. Sometimes it sounds to magical or we believe it’s not possible. But it definitely is, I believe so! Also, if your interested read this book by Osho (either being in love, the koan of relationahips:love and aloneness or intimacy) these are all beautiful books on what true love means, on loving yourself first and balancing a relationship. Good luck dearest one!
Thanks Shaidi! I love reading good books so I will definitely check out the one’s you have recommended. I agree, things will always be taken care of when we have faith in the One who hold the whole universe in His hands. We are always safe with God. Hope you have a blessed day!
“I can only make my decision based on what is right in front of me, but God? He sees the future and the plans that He has for me and He knows which man will be best by my side to fulfill those plans.”
Yessss, I love it!
When my husband and I first met we were totally not attracted to each other in that way. We were complete opposites and not a man I would choose lol. Yet here we are years later and I’m grateful to the Lord for arranging my marriage. 😉
What a wonderful testimony Deborah! I sure hope I’ll be attracted to my future husband, but I also know that true love goes much further beyond what the eye can see, and sometimes it’s not fireworks and butterflies but it grows slowly and unnoticeably (I think I’ve watched “Love Comes Softly” a little too many times) 😉 but whichever way it happens, I know it will work out the best. 🙂
You and your husband seem like you are doing an amazing job devoting your lives to serving Christ together and there is nothing more I want to do with my marriage than that! I know one day my days of waiting, of questions, and of wondering when he will come will be over and I’ll be grateful that I trusted God while waiting for His story to unfold in my life. 🙂 Thank you for sharing on here! May you and your husband both continue to glorify God with your marriage! ♥
Lol! Yes, that’s how it happened, so funny. It was slowly. When we first met I would dress in all black with messy hair because I was depressed at the time, he would dress all baggy like a hoodlum lol. I still remember the first time I saw him cleaned up in a suit at church. I literally blushed and he says the same thing, that he saw me dressed up al pretty for the first time and was like, “Woah.” Haha. The physical is important but not the first and only thing. Sometimes the attraction happens during the process. I was next to the one I would marry for years without even knowing it. Crazy when I think about it lol.
Amen, thank you sis. I know you’re going to be blessed with an awesome marriage from God. You’ll be able to be side by side in ministry and reach so many people for Jesus. It will be worth it and you’ll look back and be grateful you obeyed God’s perfect timing. 🙂
Oh and I’ve never seen “Love Comes Softly” now I’ll have to go scroll through Netflix to see if it’s there lol. 🙂
You should check it out! I thought every Christian girl in the world has already seen those (but then again.. maybe just the single ones have) 😉 It is crazy that your husband was next to you the whole time, I’ve heard that story more than once! Sometimes we just need God to open our eyes 😉
Lol. Maybe I just happen to be the only Christan girl in the world not to see it haha.
Yes it is crazy. We even hung out and he brought along this girl who he was praying to God to see if she was the one. I met his girlfriends and everything, since we were good friends. Funny how God works.
Haha, God sure does have a sense of humor sometime 😉
Speaking of prearranged marriages, I know several traditional Asian relatives who have done this, and are still going strong decades later. I’m not endorsing that as the norm, but sometimes the informed decisions of others can work out.
I agree JS! It’s an interesting concept in this day and age but I think it has some strong value because it has definitely worked out for many people in the past (and still today).
Amen, Anna. We have the BEST parent of all in our heavenly Papa! He knows what’s best for us, better than we do ourselves.
Another thing I would add, don’t let other “matchmakers” tell you that God told them the right person for you if it does not also witness in your own spirit. I’ve personally seen this happen. Someone told a couple that God wanted to get married. They followed their advise with disastrous results, ending in divorce several years later. God will always confirm it with you if it’s to be. He is faithful! Blessings.
Hi Mel, yes we do! And that’s a very important point to remember. We just had a sermon at church a few weeks ago and the pastor was talking about how we need to make sure to receive confirmations for our life before we make important decisions (especially big ones like marriage) and listen to what God has to say before you listen to the opinions of others (or your own for that matter). I hope you have a blessed weekend!
My parents and youth leader kinda raised me with this mindset. But it wasn’t until college I let go of my mental list of wants. I narrowed it down to about 3 deal-breakers (such as strong Christian, etc.) just to make sure I didn’t settle for ridiculously less as I had done in a previous relationship. But God truly does orchestrate things the right way – I can see it now through my husband and my lives previous to meeting each other and how evident it was when we did come together. But especially for women, this is an amazing mindset to have.
Hi Anna, I agree, we don’t have to lower our standards and throw the whole “list” away. There are definitely some non-negotiables we should have for our future spouse before we commit to spending a lifetime with them. It’s encouraging to hear that God orchestrated things for you and your husband to meet. He certainly knows how and when to bring the right person into our life. 🙂 I hope you have a blessed weekend!
Great Post Anna. I’m the same way. I never had a strong desire for marriage. I thought I’d be like Apostle Paul. Single life doesn’t bother me. I love undivided devotion to Jesus. God brought up the topic of marriage to me a year ago. I told Him only if He picked the person. 🙂
Thank you Erin! I wish I was more like you and apostle Paul but I think I started planning my wedding when I was 8 😉 (just kidding). Singleness is an incredible season in which we can devote ourselves wholeheartedly to God! It can be such a blessing if we use it wisely for His kingdom instead of waste our time away worrying about getting married. If it’s His will (for both you and I) may He sends us that person that He already picked for us whenever the time is right. 🙂 I hope you have a lovely weekend! ♥
Anna, I am and will be praying for your future husband. God gives His best to those who leave the choice to him. I also hope one day you and I can meet in person. It seems we have quite a bit in common…I bless you today. May ALL your dreams with God come true.
Wow! & Amen!
Amen!!!!!!! I agree with this 100000000000000%
Good to see you back!
Anna I just found your blog and so glad I did. I love how thoughtful you are. I can completely agree with this post. Sometimes we have our lists and our game plan and we’re ready to jump in head first. But, it is so much more refining and fulfilling to hand our list over and turn our will over to God’s. I face this with my life right now, even though I’m already married. What a wonderful lesson! I’ll be following and am excited to read more! 🙂
Thank you Marla! You’re right, this isn’t only relevant to our “future spouse list” but to any list that we may have in life. God knows what we need best and we need to make it a daily habit to surrender all of our desires and expectations to Him so we will be open to the things He wants to do. 🙂
Hi Anna,
Thank you so much for writing this, I feel the same way! I wish more people could read this to come to the understanding that you have. There is a book with a similar thought as yours called When God Writes Your Love Letter. It is really good and mentions praying for your future spouse as well. I also like A Man Worth Waiting For: How to Avoid a Bozo and find a Boaz is another great book I have read it twice! Random question is your last name Polish?
Hi Brittney! No, my last name isn’t Polish, it’s Ukrainian 😉 (at least I’m Ukrainian so I think that’s what it must be). Thanks for telling me about those two books, I love to read and I haven’t read either one of those so I’ll make sure to check them out! 🙂 I hope you have a blessed weekend!
I have Polish heritage so I had to take a guess on the sky (It could have been Russian too but Ukrainian is cool).Another book I recommend is Captivating it is a wonderful book and should be required by all women. Have a blessed weekend as well! : )
I love this 🙂 thank you so much for sharing. I’ve been thinking a lot about this lately, and yes I too am still very hesitant about letting go of the preferences I have for a future husband. But thank you for this, and now I am one step closer to allowing God to give me my prearranged husband. I’ve actually prayed a lot about this, and I’ve come to a conclusion that in the end, it really doesn’t matter what I think would be perfect in a guy for me because God will do all that work for me, and he knows who is perfect for me. Thank you so much again. God Bless.
Thanks! God really does know what’s best for us and the quicker we get rid of our “lists” of what we are looking for in a future spouse the more open we will be to finally receiving who and what God has in store for us. Sometimes it’s those expectations that we hold on to so tightly that make us blind to what God is preparing for us. May you continue walking strong and faithfully with Christ as you put your hope in Him. Be blessed!
If you have really come to this place of genuinely leaving it with God to choose then this is some place to come to. Will you be willing to accept His choice when He makes it clear to you? Whoever he is? Wherever he is? It’s one thing saying it but another thing following through. Who knows, God may call you to buck the trend in your generation in an age where young women in the church are having their heads filled with empowerment messages no different to the world. In days gone by the teaching was that a woman should be a support to her husband. A helper. This was her primary calling, not seeking positions of “ministry”. Maybe He will call you to that old fashioned role that just happens to be Biblical in its basis. Some women are very happy in it. Could be that your future husband is going to need you. Need all your gifts and your talents, your wisdom and character, in order for him to become who God wants him to become and to do what God wants him to do. It may not even be very visible or acclaimed the way that most things in the church in the US seem to be focused these days. Just routine and everyday. Not a pastor or a leader. He may need you to bring these gifts that you hold within yourself (spiritual food) into his life in order to make him complete (Proverbs 31v14). Just a thought !
Hi Angel, I’d like to think I have come to this place but you never know until the time comes to act on it right? When God makes it clear that there is a man out there that is His choice for me then I will let you (or probably all of my blog readers) know because I’m sure I will be too excited to keep it to myself. 🙂
I definitely agree that a woman is called to be her husband’s helper (once she is married) but I also am a big believer in the fact that if that woman remains single for some time then she should devote her time to serving Christ wholeheartedly with her gifts and talents because her duty is to Him first before it is to any other man. I can’t speak for any other women when it comes to ministry but I can say that for myself personally I never “sought” to be in any position in ministry, I just have followed the calling God has placed upon my life and obeyed Him in the place I have an opportunity to serve and I am so happy that I can dedicate these years of my life for His kingdom and I pray that if and when I do get married I will continue to do even more with a husband by my side, as I support him in whatever ministry God calls him to and as he supports me.
In my mind I always thought two are always better than one, but Apostle Paul thought differently when it comes to singleness and marriage and I think that regardless of whether we are alone or have someone by our side we should never cease to serve God.
And I love Christine Caine’s story of God calling her to ministry and marriage (the link is below). I think her life is an incredible example that women don’t have to give up marriage for ministry or ministry for marriage. If anything, marriage can help ministry become even better with encouragement and support from a spouse.
I sure hope that my future husband will need me (because otherwise I won’t be much of a helper to him) 😉 as I will need him too. There’s nothing I would love more than to support and encourage a man of God who is pursuing God in all his ways. I see so many women in that role and I can’t imagine a better position to be in!
This topic has so many ways that we can look at it and so many people have their own opinions about it but ultimately I think every persons marriage and relationships will look different than one another’s. Some women take the more traditional role and some take a more modern role. I think at the end of the day what matters is that you glorify God most in whichever one He leads you to. He knows what is best for us and He’ll prepare our hearts into fulfilling our purpose within the marriage in a way that only He can!
Thank you for sharing your thoughts on here.I hope you have a wonderful day!
Link: http://buff.ly/1ydjOhd
Hello. God bless you and keep guiding you in his way, giving you the desires of your heart according to his will.
Anna, I emphasize with you, I love your post as it relates to my life.
” I don’t mind waiting, I don’t mind waiting” Have you heard this song?
Waiting is not easy, but worthy. As we learn from waiting, we will teach others. Thanks for sharing!!!
Thanks for your blog, what you write really is true: God is a Matchmaker and He knows best whom we should marry! I am really grateful that I am now 8 months married to the man God chose for me. 🙂
https://perfectpresentfromjesus.wordpress.com/2015/09/01/i-let-god-choose-my-husband/
Hi Anna,
I just love this post so much. This is already the second time I have come across it and I’m still loving it! I have a blog, too, where I talk about God and what he is teaching me. I want to encourage women to live their lives for God only. I was wondering, if it was okay with you, if I translated this article to post it there (my blog is in German). Of course I would give you credit for it. I really think though that many more can be inspired by it.
I would love to hear from you.
Be blessed!
Maike
Great post Anna! I really love how you respond to everybody, and with emoticons also 😀
Literally thank you so much, Anna!!! I am in tears reading this and I am clinging onto the hope that God is writing my love story. Your words here have truly impacted me so much and I’m so thankful that God put it on my heart to open my Pinterest app.. because this was on the top of my feed. I opened the app thinking whatever was at the top would be a message from God. I honestly believe He put me in the position to read it. He knew I needed this. Thank you, your words have helped me so much! Thank you, sweet Anna!
I have a hard time trusting Him, even though I do see some believing people who were very happy and successful. I also know some women (mostly relatives of my mom) who were always very devout, cleaved onto Him and always follow His will but ended up with unenviable lives. Either they made bad decisions in His name (failed marriages and bad medical decisions etc) or failed to take up good opportunities because they were waiting for a “clear message”.
I guess I’m saying I trust in Him 100% and believe He can do anything and wants the best for me, but I don’t really trust in our ability to ever know what He wants us to do. So what’s even the point? My father’s side of my family believes only in scientific laws of the universe, and I feel like that’s such a bleak outlook. But they seem to be doing so much better than my mother’s side of my family. I feel so conflicted.