Last year as I was sitting around a table drinking tea and sharing what was going on in my life with my mentor she told me something that I will never forget.
Something so unbelievably awful I couldn’t believe she had the nerve to utter it out loud.
She said six simple, yet profound words.
Words that no one has ever said to me before.
“Anna, you may never get married”.
Six words I didn’t want to hear, let alone believe.
I’m sure when I was driving home that night after meeting with her I shed a few tears.
Because of those six little words.
See… all of my life I have been taught all there is to know about getting married and what it takes to be a good wife.
From my parents, my church, and my older friends.
I’ve went to too many seminars in church that give you tips on how to date right, how to keep yourself pure before marriage, how to know who “Mr. Right” is.
But no one ever taught me about how to be single.
Because you see singleness… well that’s not supposed to be part of the “typical” person’s life plan.
It’s not part of the blueprint of everyone who has come before us.
The “normal” blueprint of life is to go to school, graduate with a degree, find a stable job, get married, have children, grandchildren, great-grand children…and then die happily.
So what happens when that’s not the blueprint of your life?
When you are 30, 40, or 50 and you still have no ring on your finger?
No children to raise?
No one to come home to at night?
When life doesn’t follow that perfectly scripted plan you created when you were 16?
The one that included finding that special someone to spend your life with?
The one where you have cute little babies to hold in your arms?
The past few weeks I’ve received countless of emails from women around the world.
From Asia, to Africa, to America.
Women in their college years.
Women in their late adult years.
And they all have one question they ask.
One question that I have no answer to.
“Where’s my happy ending?”
The one where we wear the white dress and walk down the aisle to the love of our life?
Start the journey in life with someone by our side.
And I wish I could say that all you need to do is wait a little longer.
Pray a little harder.
And Prince Charming will show up at your door.
But that’s not the truth.
The truth is yes, God’s Word says it’s not good for man to be alone.
But His Word doesn’t say that every single one of us will get married.
That we all have the same blueprint for our lives.
For some singleness is just a season in life.
For others it’s their whole life.
But regardless of what it is for you I have a challenge for all of us.
A challenge to stop asking “why” and embrace this season to the fullest.
A challenge to surrender your desires into God’s hands and know that He’ll take care of you.
Maybe you have no one to come home to at night, but you are never alone because God is always beside you.
Maybe you have no one to whisper “I love you” to but if you’ll listen quietly you can hear Jesus whispering it to you on the cross.
I know that in the end I will get my happy ending no matter what.
Maybe it won’t be walking down the aisle to meet my future husband but walking down the aisle to meet Jesus on His throne in heaven.
Yes, I would love for Mr. Right to come someday but I don’t live to get a wedding ring from a man.
I live to get a golden crown placed on my head by the King of Kings.
Your happy ending is coming too.
If not with a man who loves you here on earth then with a man who loves you more than you can imagine in heaven.
No matter what… you always have something to hope for.
Something to look forward to.
Singleness has its own set of blessings, just like any season in life but you’ll miss out on them if you keep asking yourself why.
God’s plan for you today is to remain single.
Maybe tomorrow His plan for you is to bring someone special along to join you.
But whatever that plan of His may be know that it’s perfect.
Hand tailored just for you.
Waiting to unfold if you just let go of your own expectations and plans.
I have no answer for you except for this: find your worth and your purpose in life not in a sparkling diamond ring on your hand and a man by your side but in the fact that you have Jesus in your heart and He is forever by your side.
And once you do that you can find peace and joy in life even when you don’t know the answers to all your “why’s”.
Be blessed and walk strong in Christ! -Anna… ♥
Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord!-Psalm 27:14
I don’t know if you read this one, but I wrote this post exactly on this topic:
http://imsnowedin.wordpress.com/2013/10/02/why-you-shouldnt-wait-for-marriage/
I did. 🙂 It’s a great post! Thanks for sharing it. Be blessed!
I don’t understand why someone would tell someone else that!
Look deep into your hearts desires and delight in the Lord like you are. . .see what God does.
I think she was trying to give me a “reality check” of sorts 😉 (which worked). But when God is our greatest desire and delight we’ll always have joy in our life no matter what our relationship status may be! 🙂
AMEN!!! That’s def true.
She said that because “delighting in the Lord” means HIS desires will become our desires. Married or not. That could mean staying single. I’m sorry, but it is the truth. He doesn’t align with our will, we align with His. The whole point here is that when we delight in the Lord, He will fulfill us, period.
And maybe you will wear a wedding dress. I understand why she told you that, however, the Bible does say that the Lord will give us the desires of our hearts. In any case, being content is key. I’m praying for you a hubby 🙂
Thanks Karen! Maybe I will wear that dress. 😉 Being content really is the key. Once we find joy in Christ alone we’ll be at peace with whatever plan He has for our lives (whether it matches ours or not).
Hey Anna! It’s been forever it seems since I’ve been on WordPress. Love the new pictures! And loved this post. It took me awhile to fully embrace my singleness, but what I weight off my mind once I did. God is setting my mind free from worrying and wondering if the single guy I run into is “the one” and how will I know if he is. My happy ending might not look like everyone else’s happy ending but it will be happy because of Christ. Amen! Great post!
Thanks! I seem to get bored of layouts/designs sometimes so I like to change them up once in a while 😉
There certainly is a lot of freedom that comes when you let go of your own plans and desires and surrender them into God’s hands. No longer is there the pressure to try to control situations (and question everything when it comes to relationships with men) because we know God is in control and whatever needs to happen will in His time and way.
“My happy ending might not look like everyone else’s happy ending but it will be happy because of Christ” Amen to that! We will always have a happy ending with Jesus. 🙂 I’m so glad I can always look forward to meeting Him face to face!
Amen!! And yes, I know what you mean. I’m getting bored with the layout for mine as well. I think it’s time for a change. 🙂
There are SO MANY different ways for Christians to live good, full lives. I think that gets forgotten in churches (even good ones) since the “normal” thing to do is, as you said, get married and have kids. There’s nothing wrong with wanting that, of course, but there’s also nothing wrong with not wanting it. Our job is to put our lives in God’s hands, figure out what He wants, and live that out the best we can, married or single. You did a good job of acknowledging that!
I totally agree Emily! If singles (regardless of what age they are) embrace this season in their life (instead of try to “fix” it by always being on a lookout for a potential Mr. Right) then God can use the time they have to do incredible things for His kingdom!
Wow, I can soooo relate to this. My friends that are single talk about this all the time. About 5 years ago I realized it wouldn’t be so tragic to be alone. Then just recently a friend said those same words to me and also stated it would be virtually IMPOSSIBLE to find someone I would be compatible with at this time in my life. That hurt! to not have a possibility, that knocked the air out of my sail. But to be honest, I can truly say at this point in my life, I’m absolutely happy and utterly blessed.
I’m glad that you are at that place where you are truly happy and content in Christ. And your friend is wrong by the way, it’s never impossible or too late to find love no matter how old you are or what stage you are in life. Our God is pretty good at making “possibilities” out of what seems to be impossible in our lives. 😉
If it’s the desire of your heart to get married I think it’s always good to have hope and faith in what God can still do and who God can bring into your life as long as that doesn’t become the center of your life and the only thing you think about (which doesn’t seem to be the case for you). 🙂
Hi again, Anna. I think you’re head is on straight about this. You are in a good place. It’s funny, one of the single young men in our church was just prophetically pointed out last Sunday as someone looking to “get married.” But while He wants to get married and have a family, He’s in the same place as you, content to grow in Christ during this season in his life.
It says in God’s Word that when a man finds a “wife” he finds a good thing (Prov.18:22). Notice it doesn’t say a “woman.” Apparently, there’s a difference. Maybe you’re in a season, not only learning to be a daughter of God, but also learning to be a “wife.” So, while it’s good to have your attitude, I believe your “day” will come. 🙂
That’s a great verse Mel. Thanks for pointing it out! I definitely can relate to that man. I’m happy right where I’m at in life right now but I don’t think I’d complain if God sent someone my way 😉
Singleness is such a great season if you embrace it because so much self-growth can happen when you allow God to use that time to mold you and prepare you for the future!
Amen. Enjoy where you are. Take your time. It’s better to be single than wish you were. 🙂
People also forget that marriage isn’t a ‘happy ending’ – it is really just the start of a new stage of life with a close friend by your side. It is hard sometimes. You will disappoint each other and have to work through this. Once kids come along, your energy levels are stretched and spending quality time together is difficult. Weddings are magical, but marriage is real. We need to be content wherever God puts us in life – if we are not content as a single, why do we think we will be content as a married person.
Very true Alison. Marriage is no fairy tale. It’s the place where a lot of self-sacrifice must happen as you put your spouses (and kids) needs over your own. Each season of life has it’s own positives and negatives – we just need to learn to make the most of each one because there’s opportunity for growth, love, and purpose in every season of life.
Reblogged this on Alison Stanley and commented:
If you are wondering if you’ll ever get married, this post offers encouragement in an unexpected way. Enjoy:)
Enjoy being single while you can. It’s got plenty of plus points.
P.S. I’d put quite a bit of stuff that church folks say on the shelf and in a box out of sight and don’t take it back out. Only God really has the authority to speak for God. We should hear Him for ourselves. He knows our needs and He has the power to give it to us. Whatever it is.
That’s true. But God also uses people to speak truth into our lives (especially when they are older, wiser, and more mature in faith). It’s important to hear their counsel as well and discern it with God’s Word and accept it +learn from it if it aligns with what’s written in the Bible.
He can use people and He does when it comes to counsel but yes we all have to get our own definitive guidance from Him in the end. He will give us the definitive answer. What your mentor gave you is a possibility of what might be the truth which is obviously not the same as the truth itself. I wouldn’t take any offence that what I said cut across your personal respect for your mentor. I suppose I just don’t like the thought that you came away sad because you seem so sincere.
No offense taken. 🙂 Sometimes it’s good to hear truth (or what can be truth) when you don’t want to hear it, that’s how we “sharpen” one another in our walk of faith.
Well done you…good answer. He’s going to be a blessed man.
As a note of innocent encouragement. Yes, it’s important that we have happiness in whatever place we find ourselves but for those who are waiting and deep down want the Lords right choice for them, He can give a definite word to us and I think we should seek this. I have met my future wife in a dream. We may not all get it as dramatic as that but I think a definite word from Him is vital. Sadly, many mistakes are being made in this area.
It takes a brave person to say, I will be satisfied in God no matter what this world and this life on earth brings. You are right to hope in God, not in this world. I am married and the principles of finding Godly satisfaction apply also to me. As good as a wedding dress and a husband is, the need to find Jesus as your ultimate lover, and that God is always by your side remains the same. If you are single be single for the Lord, if you are married be married for the Lord.
As you said God’s purpose for our life is perfect. God does not ask us to be content with this life, rather His desire is for us to be content in Him, regardless of our circumstance.
Amen sister.
Well said!
Hi Cheryl, thanks for sharing your wise words (as a married woman). You are right, even when you do receive what it is that you have been waiting and praying for it should never replace who God is in our life. Just like when after Abraham finally got his long-awaited son he proved to God that He was still #1 in his life when he was willing to lay his son on an altar.
In the same way we should cherish what the Lord gives us without allowing it to become more than it should be in our life.
I love your last phrase: “God does not ask us to be content with this life, rather His desire is for us to be content in Him, regardless of our circumstance.”
Without Christ we will never be truly satisfied with life no matter how rich we are and how many answered prayers we received. He alone is the one that satisfied the deepest desires of our heart and until we learn to be content in Him we will always be chasing after the next thing that we think will make us happy.
Amen xx
Great point about Abraham, really spoke to me
Reblogged this on Random Ramblings.
Great post! I appreciate your honesty in saying that you even cried on the way home after hearing those six words. We know that we are to keep our focus on Christ and know that everything will work out. If it is for you to be married then He will send the man for YOU your way. If it is not for you to be married then know that your life is at its best without a spouse. It is this type of confidence that allows us to be content in whatever state we find ourselves. It is also what may lead others to believe that some of us may never marry (perhaps too independent). Ring or no ring, we belong to the King. Be encouraged and know that you are not alone, Anna. – Mayah King
Thanks Mayah! I’m glad that I’m not alone in this. I know I have someone to “belong to” and share my life with no matter what because I’ll always have Jesus. I know that His ways are perfect and if this is the season He wants me to stay in a little longer (or much longer) then there are important things I’m sure He will continue teaching me as I trust in Him and follow His leading. Thanks for stopping by. Be blessed!!
I was married, divorced, and have 3 adult children (and the best granddaughter in the entire world). For years after my divorce, I tried dating which was fun, but stressful. I decided to work on cultivating my relationship with Christ, so I stopped dating. In this season of my life, I am so content and pleased by how well God takes care of me and enjoying my time with Him that I don’t miss having a husband, anymore. Maybe someday I will be married again, but for now I’m selfish with my relationship with God and I’m enjoying it! I write about my contentment at “Single & Content”, http://www.marilynjernigan.com
Good for you Marilyn! And it’s so great that you are using this time to encourage other women who are also in the same season in life. May you continue to remain content in Christ in all that you do. Be blessed!
Love love this!!! This is something God has been teaching me as well!! 🙂 Singleness is a calling!! 🙂
Thanks Rachel. Yes it can definitely be a calling (a really great one too)! 🙂
Great post, Anna! Just read this quote last week: “Singleness is not a disease, and marriage is not a cure.”
Thanks for sharing the quote Mary. I love it! Singleness is really not a “disease” unless we allow it to become one in our lives. If we aren’t content being single we’ll find things to not be content about when we are married as well (which is why it’s so important to learn that now).
So true, Anna! That’s it in a nutshell!
Great post Anna! I am learning that I can be content in any state God leads me into.
That’s great Joseph! May we all learn the same thing!
Amen! Contentment is a huge part of joy I am discovering.
Great post, Anna! Many people, guys and girls alike are living as though the end game is marriage. I am learning that God wants all of me now before He will give me more.
Thanks Drew! I agree. Our life doesn’t begin when we walk down an aisle and have a ring on our left hand but the day we surrender ourselves to Christ and die to self so we can live for Him. It’s sad that so often people live their life with the main goal of getting married (although it’s important) it’s not THE most important thing in life: Jesus is. And it’s important to give Him our all, especially during this season in our life!
I LOVE this post. It so beautifully describes what so many feel and sometimes for so long. I used to HATE hearing from women who were married telling me to hang in there one day it will happen for you. I used to hate even more hearing from women who had never married, telling me that I could do this, it made me feel like it was hopeless. And I doubt it helps to hear from a woman who waited and wondered, and then found her happy ending in a wedding dress, because I still have no answers that will satisfy the longing nor the ache that I know is in your heart. I wrote this post sometime back on my own blog, maybe you can relate. http://acowintheocean.wordpress.com/2012/02/24/shame-on-singlehood/
sometime later I discovered a few answers to help me deal with the loneliness. http://acowintheocean.wordpress.com/2013/02/09/passion-for-life/
And lastly, recently I learned that is was in fact all worth it and then some. http://acowintheocean.wordpress.com/2013/11/11/why-i-am-grateful-for-challenges/
Even though that time has passed for me, I still deal with loneliness and the memory of what I felt for so long, rears its head as I read your writing and it makes me feel as though in a sense we are sisters. You are doing wonderfully. I hope you find someone with as deep and as pure a faith as yours. Thanks for sharing.
Thank you Didda! It can be frustrating hearing what everyone has to say about your “single status” but I always remind myself that they are doing it out of love and to encourage me (even if that’s not always the end result).
Sometimes we don’t get all the answers to our “why’s” but as long as we have Jesus we don’t need the answers. Everything He allows to happen or not happen is always for our best and we must trust His plan over our own.
Thanks for stopping by and sharing your thoughts (and posts). Be blessed!
Anna, I remember when I was younger (in my 20s and 30s). We all had the same concerns about never getting married. My friends and I heard the same encouragement about learning to be content while being single, that God is all we need, etc. etc.
All of it is true.
Yet, being young, we somehow harboured that same desire to be married, because we all *still had the time* to find that husband that we, still in the back of our minds, secretly knew had to be there.
The true test is when that time runs out.
Hmm… true. But who are we to say when the time “runs out”? Nothing is too late when it comes to God and we have no right to put Him on “our” clock. 🙂 Thanks for sharing your thoughts! Be blessed!
I once went to a small group gathering where the speaker shared that she said the same thing to her daughters. Her point was that we shouldn’t expect God to lay out our lives the way we think He should. Yet she proceeded to give a study on how we should pray earnestly and ferverantly for physical healing, as if to expect it!
So much wisdom right there! I’m sure that talk helped her daughters trust God with His plan instead of their own expectations and agenda for life. If I ever have daughters (or sons) one day I will definitely tell them the same thing!
Hi Anna! Actually, my point was that she presented two opposing attitudes on 1) marriage: accept God’s plan 2) Health: don’t accept God’s plan.
It was an interesting observation to hear this in one sitting. Seems to me if we accept God’s agenda for us, it should be across the board. Pray for both? Yes, of course…but again, God’s ways are not our’s.
“let go of your own expectations and plans.” Yes! God’s plans exceed mine.
Have a wonderful week !
Yes it does! Hope you have a wonderful week as well!
Anna,
Very well-written. Thank you. I was single for several years after a painful ending to a 23-year marriage. Though my divorce was biblically based, the season without a spouse was difficult yet important for my healing. My re-marriage is very strong because of my being ready to hear God’s voice on a marriage partner rather than simply finding a wife. I’m glad that you are committed to hearing God’s voice, no matter what! I admire your resolve.
Martin Drummond
Hi Martin, thank you for sharing your story. I’m so glad that God not only healed you from any hurt and pain from your previous marriage but also sent you a wife when the time was right. May we all learn to heed His voice and timing in our life rather than our own! Life is always best left in God’s hands. Be blessed!
Those words are powerful Anna!! I have to keep enjoying this season of my life, and I have every opportunity to spend time with the King!!!
Thanks Kalah. Yes you do! There is so many things we can do for God’s kingdom when we are single that we can’t do when we are married. It’s important to use our time wisely. 🙂 Be blessed sister!
Thank you Anna, I am so blessed with all this words you have shared and it touches my heart and I feel like screaming, shouting and dancing.. powerful and I pray that God will give you strength and more words to encourage those people who are lost. God bless
Thanks Anna and everyone for the great post; I am so blessed with every encouraging words and I thank God that I am still single and not worried about anything to hinder my relationship with God cause Christ is the centre of my life. God bless
AMEN! I know that you are able to speak to these issues so well because you have walked these shoes. Our ministry is birthed where God has allowed us to go/be. So happy to see you effectively encouraging others to biblically manage our man-made expectations. Blessings to you Anna!!
Thank Marlene. Very true… you can’t encourage others in certain seasons of life until you first walk through them yourself. Although being single isn’t always the easiest thing in the world I’m so glad that I can encourage girls who are in the same shoes as me to live life with purpose and remain strong in faith whatever season they find themselves in .:) Blessings to you as well!!
And you’re doing a wonderful job at it!
Happy Birthday!!! by the way; hope you’re having a blast wherever this beautiful day finds you. I pray that God will grant you many, many more!
Conversely,we rarely read God’s word that says ‘He that getteth married will have trouble in the flesh.’ How many marriages are on the rocks because of the flesh?
‘Marriage is good and honorable,’ saith the same Lord, but as you stated, ‘not for everyone,’ because Paul suggested his ‘aloneness’ enabled him to stay razor focused.
But married or single, there are pitfalls for each, as well as limitness blessing. Let every man be persuaded in his own mind. 🙂
Very true! There’s negatives and positives in both. But as long as we walk in faith with Christ we can live out our life full of purpose and meaning and make a difference for eternity no matter what our marital status is. 🙂
I may never wear a wedding dress | A journey of faith…
This is an awesome post! What a blessing 🙂
Thank you Kimberly. I hope you have a lovely weekend!
You don’t know how perfect timing this is, thank you so much!
I love this post! Everything you said is so true. I recently told myself that I may never get married, and despite thinking that I didn’t particularly care, I broke my own heart. It really shows how programmed we can be to believe in the whole Disney movie version of how a woman’s life should go. Singledom truly isn’t a death sentence though. If you focus on the reason why you’re single, you can almost completely forget that there’s an allegedly “better” option for you.